Saturday, October 23, 2010

"witty title"

The best part about living in this city and not knowing anyone is that I can be whoever I want to be. When I introduce myself to people and tell them that I plan on writing comedies, they just assume I'm funny. So when people think you're funny, you're more likely to actually be funny. It's a weird how it works. Like if someone tells you they think you're good looking, then you'll feel good looking, have more confidence, and therefore probably look more attractive. The only difference in my case is that I AM actually funny in the first place. People just haven't realized it yet.. or until now.

The second best part about living in such a cosmopolitan city is that people are from all over. So, my accents are only improving daily. Last night I met a kid from London and I spoke in a British accent the entire time while he attempted an American accent. A word of advice: if you ever meet anyone from either London, Australia and/or South Africa, make them speak in an American accent. It is hilarious. This is how the conversation will go.

you: speak in an American accent
British person: no
you: please
British person: what do I get?
you: "funny remark"
British person: what should I say?
you: anything
British person: blah blah blah I want a hamburger blah blah

you think I'm kidding. 80% of their responses will incorporate the word hamburger. Apparently foreign people think we use that word in every other sentence. Now that I think about it, considering the plethora of fast food chains out there, I guess majority of Americans are using that word. Foreign people are so wise.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Obligatory

To Whom It May Concern,

I am one of those people who has a new thought every other minute of every day. I'm not talking about thoughts such as "what's for dinner" or "he's hott" (because those thoughts don't go through my mind daily) but rather, thoughts about my life, people (in the abstract sense, not petty gossip or bickering), society and the world. Yes, this probably sounds similar to all other bloggers who think that what they have to say is worth hearing--which it usually isn't. But here is the difference between this blog and all of the others. I don't think what I'm writing about is worth reading.

The sole reason I am creating this blog is for myself. Throughout my day, whether via phone call, text, aim and email (maybe the occasional in person conversation if I'm lucky) I divulge my daily epiphanies, unusual observations and random stories about my life to my friends: those who care about how I'm doing, are really bored in their class and/ or disguise their lack of interest enough for me to keep filling their inboxes. I might as well start writing everything in one place rather than copying and pasting all day. I'm making it seem as though I have a lot of friends..  But I'm pretty sure it can be assumed that people who spend their days writing down their thoughts usually don't have a lot of friends. I usually advocate against 'assuming' not because of the dumb saying which I'm not going to write, but because you can never really know things about people until you get to know them. But in this case, assuming might not be such a bad idea.

This blog is a direct result of my over anxious personality and my necessity to put my thoughts on paper (or this century's equivalent). Even though I prefer a pen and paper in a heartbeat over a computer. But because my thoughts are endless and I think faster than I write, typing is essential; a mindless, easy-on-the-wrists way to keep track of my excess of thoughts and ideas.

Most blogs have a purpose: maybe it is a music blog where the blogger knows a lot about new bands and new songs. I can't think of any other type of blog that people read--probably because I don't read blogs and I find them useless. I, for the most part, don't care what other people have to say. Not that I think I'm right and everyone else is wrong (which does happen a lot) but because I have better things to do with my time. Or, that used to be my reasoning. Now that I just moved to NYC, can count my friends on one hand and find myself alone a lot of the time.. I think I may need to start reading blogs. Any suggestions? I just don't know what I'd want to read about, maybe books?, but even then, how do I know whose opinion to trust? See what I mean? Random questions and thoughts.. all day long. It is exhausting.

Anyways, my blog has no purpose. No cute little characteristic to carry through, like Julie from Julie & Julia where she blogs about cooking. But, a few things that people might find useful from what I have to say: I love language. I know that sounds strange but the idea that there are multiple words that have similar meanings and how there are multiple ways to phrase the same idea all with different connotations. So pay attention to the words I use and how I phrase things, although it could easily be accidental, it most likely isn't. I'm not going to try and sound professional but I'm warning you: a lot of the time I speak extremely formally, as though I'm in an interview or writing a professor. I'm not sure why. People make fun of me for it a lot though. But, I like everything I say to be understood. I wouldn't have written: 'So pay attention to my syntax and word choice..' because that just makes me sound pretentious and nobody actually speaks like that. So note: there is a difference and do not get confused.

Even though only a handful of my friends are actually reading this (if even that many.. ), and they already know this. I'll tell you, (the ambiguous 'you' of whoever may be stumbling upon this). I'm good at giving advice. I tend to understand people. So even though my friends (well some of them) already come to me for advice, 'you' are more than welcome to also. Just make a comment with your question and I'd gladly answer it. No, this is NOT an advice column, but, I enjoy it and I'm good at it.. so why not offer my services. Also, feel free to comment about anything and everything. Even if it is a question about nothing related to anything I've said (written?). I thrive off of random questions.

So I guess this post has been essentially an 'About Me' which I really had no intention of creating. But, to do the obligatory, because half of what I say won't make sense if you don't know these things, here it is. I am a junior transfer student at NYU. I spent the last two years of my college experience at the University of Michigan. I'll refrain from giving any of my opinions because those will most definitely come up in future posts (especially because if I have to recount to one more person why I transferred, I'll kill myself). I need to come up with a funny response to that question, like the responses Campbell Alexander, the lawyer, in My Sister's Keeper gives when people ask him why he has a service dog, "I have an iron lung. He keeps me away from magnets." Yes, of course I had to look up his name and examples of his responses (everything is on the internet.. it's crazy). But, the point is that I remembered his witty remarks and I need something like that.. if anyone has any ideas.

So yes, I'm alone in this city, left to indulge my interests and curiosities, desperate for interesting conversation. There's obviously more to me but that's all you get for now. I am not going to list my favorite color, pets I may or may not have, what I like, what I dislike, where I've worked, what I do in my free time, etc.-- because frankly, it's irrelevant. But I promise, if at any point those boring conversation starters become relevant, I'll fill you in. But, until then, you'll have to wait. Plus, suspense is the force that drives the universe. After money and sex, of course.

I'm pretty sure the title of this blog is self-explanatory. If not, just keep reading and it will be soon.

And finally, the last thing that needs to be understood before you continue reading (yes, I'm aware that was a bold assumption). Majority of what I say is sarcastic and/or satirical with a cynical undertone. I understand it is hard to detect sarcasm online, but I am sorry that will not be stopping me. If ever you're unsure, assume I'm being sarcastic. If it continues to be a problem, then this blog just isn't for you.

Have fun,